Think Different - Just Like Steve Jobs Tells You To

The New York Times referred to Steve Jobs as this generation’s Thomas Edison.  I have no problem with this comparison for the sole reason that I have as much contempt, if not more, for Edison as I do Jobs.  Edison was a patent thief who ruthlessly crushed all competition (sometimes using physical violence) and succeeded by being an all-around asshole and a marketing genius.  And that is also all that Steve Jobs is: a marketing genius.  But the announcement of his resignation from Apple has some people reacting as thought they just found out Christ was going to be crucified again.

Let’s review something here: marketing is simply the science of convincing someone to buy something and, possibly, at the same time convincing that same someone that a similar product offered by a competitor is not as good.  That’s it.  That is the entirety of Steve Jobs’ career.  He made expensive computers and convinced a large number of people to buy them.  That is not an earth-shattering achievement.  He has not done anything that really betters mankind, changes the world, or fixes any of the major problems we face as a species.  He is just a man who made a shit load of money.

It really strikes me as a symptom of the culture.  People seem to heap praise upon those who earn an ungodly amount of money.  Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett – all of them are revered by a large number of people because they were able to become rich.  As if that is the only indicator of success in life.  Never mind the fact that numerous artists, writers, activists, scientists, and other influential people died without a penny to their name, but made a lasting impact.  People who truly changed the world through ideas, altering the way others think and shaping society for the better.  Instead, this country seems to have become so jaded that all anyone can care about is money and how to make more of it.

True, people like Buffett and Gates try to do some charity work with their money, but it seems to me that a great many of the causes they work for would be better addressed if there wasn’t such a massive gap in income between the incredibly wealthy and everyone else.  But Steve Jobs doesn’t even do that.  He actually shut down Apple’s charitable giving when he came back to the company.

In the end, Jobs has sold a lot of luxury items and made countless people around the world desire those items.  And even more so, he has sold the idea that those people were being different by buying those products – different just like everyone else buying them.  The man is not a hero or a role model.  He’s a businessmen, and that is all.

A Dinner Invitation

Dear Col. Gadhafi,

I was wondering if you would be interested in coming over to our house for dinner tomorrow night?  And this is simply a dinner invitation, and not an attempt to lure you into our house so my wife and I can collect the bounty currently on your head.  I have full confidence that you will be able to overcome the multitudes of angry citizens who have completely overrun Tripoli and sent you into hiding, and I just thought you might like to have a nice dinner to relax and recharge your batteries before you gather up your hundred or so loyalists and overcome all odds by testicular fortitude alone.

When you come in, make sure to walk on the palm fronds we have laid out in the living room for you as a traditional sign of greeting in our home.  When you get to the couch, we’ll have a cup of tea ready for you.  Never mind if it tastes a bit different – we found a rare variety of orange pekoe that has a distinct taste.  Make sure you drink all of it.  And please do not look down, because you will definitely not see a diminutive man hidden in a small space under your seat attempting to jab a syringe full of chloral hydrate into your posterior tibial vein.

We simply want you to come and enjoy our hospitality.  Put away those thoughts that quite a few people would love to hand you over to the rebels for the $1.6 million dollars being offered.  We certainly won’t have a burlap sack in the closet and a black cargo van waiting out back with the engine running. 

Yours truly,

Adam

A Little Off the Top

I was circumcised as a baby.  And if I had never known what a circumcision was or then asked my parents if I had one, I probably would never have been the wiser.  Yet now there seems to be a very vocal group calling for a ban of the practice, regardless of religious belief or parental preference.  Most of the arguments I hear against the practice boil down to “I didn’t get to choose this for myself” and “My penis is mutilated!”  It troubles me to no end that in a time where income disparity, violent conflicts, political upheaval and environmental destruction are looming over us like the sword of Damocles, there are human beings devoting a considerable amount of time trying to prevent a minor medical procedure. 

Oh the indignation!  Oh the rancor!  Researching the topic online pulls up a plethora of anti-circumcision websites.  Any articles in support of circumcision become inundated with comments from outraged people, calling it barbaric and equating the practice to female circumcision (a completely different procedure, it involves the complete removal of the clitoris, which may have more to do with keeping women from enjoying sex and the abuse of their gender around the world).  But when I read medical websites, there is no argument against the practice.  It causes no major health complications, and actually helps prevent some afflictions that can occur later in life (such afflictions often requiring the procedure).  The only benefit that seems to be agreed on is that having a foreskin helps improve masturbation.  Having performed countless experiments in my laboratory, I can attest that I have had no difficulty in achieving this and was entirely satisfied with the test results each time.

I want to bring up the scientific support for circumcision, such as the WHO’s endorsement of the practice for the prevention of HIV transmission.  But I really don’t want to, because quite frankly, I don’t want to keep  this argument going.  In the scope of the challenges our species faces in the immediate future, a little flap of skin should be the least of our concern.  Don’t make this a human rights issue.  There are far more pressing  issues that need our attention.  I highly doubt that circumcision is preventing us from finding renewable energy resources.  The growing public discontent in the Middle East is not over the presence of a foreskin.  And famine-stricken Somalians could give a flying fuck about the whole debate right now, they’d rather not watch their children starve to death while warlords take the last remaining food.

What I’m trying to say here is: get some perspective.  I’m sure quite a few people are outraged about the issue.  I’m sure it’s near and dear to their hearts, and they feel it must be stopped at all cost.  But right now, we don’t need any more divisive causes (and please remember that over one quarter of the world’s population practices it).  Take that anger and that energy and that commitment and join in on something more important.  If you want to protect the rights of a child, how about throwing your support in the fight against the war in Iraq instead and helping those kids have their right to grow up with all their limbs intact.  If you want to lament the perceived loss you have, why not think about the actual loss of opportunity in this country to earn a wage that allows you to live life to the fullest?  Quit trying to force an issue that simply drives one more wedge between people.  We need a little more unity at the moment, a greater concentration of our efforts.  Let’s solve the real problems first.